Tag Archives: sanitize

If these walls could talk

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It’s Monday, right? Our entire household is sick, or has been sick for the last two weeks, which means our house has turned into a Museum of Germs. As soon as I start to feel better, I’ll need to disinfect and sanitize so I can feel like a normal human being again. Prior to the attack of the killer cooties, I was in the process of making some home improvements, Weekend Warriors style, except, it has been going on since Christmas break. Yikes right? And by the looks of it, it’s probably going to take me two more months to finish this stupid project(s). I don’t know what I was thinking. It started out with the built-in cabinets, leading me to switching the kids rooms around, to the next bright idea of repainting AND redecorating their room. Now I’m stuck with half-finished cabinets, almost finished boy’s room, and sucks to be you Em’s room. I’ll let the pictures do the talking. Please. Do not judge me. It’s a work in progress and as soon as I am done, I will post the finished products, whenever that may be. Oh, I forgot to mention. I also went on a tangent about organizing. So now I have all kinds of paperwork lying around my bedroom floor waiting to be filed and shredded. Mutherfudgeme.

So this is what we started with (we bought a total of 5 pieces) :

Then I stained it with Dark Walnut

And then:

This is taken from my iPhone just now. I can’t find my camera because I’m sure my little rugrats hid it from me.

As you can see, I also painted the inside of the recessed wall. Martha Stewart Cement Gray. What you’re not seeing is that we have recessed wall on opposite sides of the wall and in the middle is a fireplace. I promise, once it’s all done, it will all be revealed. And that’s that. Maybe a granite on top, and some shelving units. You’ll have to come back to see. Isn’t the suspense just killing ya?

Now, Tee’s room! Used to be Em’s room.

So I decided to keep the yellow as to not give myself more work…

Yup, if you haven’t guessed already, this one below I stole from Pinterest.

Of course all of these pictures would have looked even more amazing had I taken them with a Nikon D5100. I’m just saying. And lastly….

No, no room pictures for Em. It’s too embarrasing right now. We’ll have to wait til we at least start on it 🙂 Sorry baby girl!

Bubbles you later!

Cate

More Shit Talk

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The other day, while changing Tee’s poopy diaper, the hubs says, “I should start my own cologne line and call it Poopay. Eau de Toilette.” Mocking some random stranger coming to ask him about the new cologne, “Oh my god dude, is that Poopay you’re wearing? It’s the shit man!” That’s how things happen in our household. Nothing but shit talk. It’s the norm for us. Most of the time we are high on shit and we don’t even know it, especially when we’re in the car, like yesterday. It wasn’t until the hubs got out to go pick up a book at the library (yup, we still go to the library. It’s the eco thing to do.) and he opened the car door to get back in and says, “It’s smell like shit in here. And it’s the explosion shit smell honey.” Don’t ask us how we know the severity of the shit, but we just do because we’re shit connoisseurs. The beautiful thing about having an SUV is that the trunk serves a dual purpose, in this case, also a diaper changing station. My husband takes off Tee’s pants and says, “Oh Shit! Babe. You need to come here. I need your help. There’s no way I can clean this up by myself.” Shaking my head and thinking, “Amateur.” So I go to help him and the little man has shit all over his pants and by that I mean like down to his leg and all over his butt. But to tell you that it’s the worse shit he’s ever had would be a lie. Currently we have a tie in the number one spot, but perhaps you can help us decide the true winner of “The Worst Shit” award.

The first incident also occurred while driving. I was 7 moths pregnant with Em and as you guessed it, the husband was on deployment. Tristan and I was on our way back from San Diego. I made the mistake of changing his diaper before we left San Diego and didn’t bother putting his pants back on. So we’re singing “Twinkle Twinkle” when I smelled the explosion. But, I ignored it. I figured we’re only 25 minutes from home so I’ll just keep on driving. A few minutes later I looked at my rear view mirror and saw my son’s face covered with shit. The thought of him eating his own poop made me nauseous and I had to pull over on the side of the road to vomit. After vomiting, I decided to inspect the damage and there it was. Shit everywhere. Down his legs, all over his back (I don’t even how that’s possible). His car seat soaked with shit. It was like a volcanic eruption and lava was just flowing out of the butt hole. We didn’t have the SUV yet so I was in a car and trying to figure out how the hell I’m going to change his diaper and clean all the poop while on the side of the freeway with my big ass belly getting in the way. I used one and a half pack of wipes and it wasn’t enough. But that’s all I had left! Luckily I had a towel in the car and used that as a cover for his car seat. When we got home, I had to run inside immediately to give us both a shower. When I was done with that, I had to hose down the car seat completely and sanitize the car. And I had to take two more showers afterwards. It was disgusting. 5 Shit Stars deserving.

The second incident happened while shopping at Lowe’s. Fortunately, we were still in the Outdoor Garden area. Em was sleeping in her car seat inside the cart and Tee was sitting on the upper cart area. My husband was pushing the cart so he was facing Tee. I was in the front of the cart checking out plants and happened to turn my head to show the hubs something and saw an eruption exploding from Tee’s butt. I mean, I saw diarrhea pushing itself up his back! Then down to his legs and started dripping all over.  Husband was freaking out (amateur) and had to rush the cart outside to go back to the SUV (but not before asking one of the associates if he can have some plastic bags to use as a changing pad) so he can clean up our son. He left diarrhea trail on his way out all the way to the SUV. He had to tell one of the Lowe’s workers to sanitize the cart. We never came back to that Lowe’s again.

Sadly I know that this will not be the last of the poopy adventures. But I’m waiting for the day that I will no longer have to look at another diaper again. Quite frankly, it’s also a romance killer. I change so much shit throughout the day that one evening, when the kids were finally both asleep and the hubs and I were spending some much-needed QT, with the anticipation of eventual love-making, when I thought I smelled shit. I turned to my husband and asked him, in my most serious face, “Do you have shit in your pants?” I think it’s time for potty training. One day when the hubs and I are old and are wearing Depends, these little turds better show us their gratitude by changing our shit. They have no idea what’s coming for them. Karma’s a bitch.

Laters Stinkers,

Cate