Lady Gaga

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Gotcha. Of course this has nothing to do with Lady Gaga. And if I were to write about Gaga, you have my permission to shoot me. Sorry Gaga fans. I’m just not one. I guess I’m biased having grown up in the 90’s! And since I’m older (for you young Gaga fans) let’s assume I know what I’m talking about. Madonna has already been done. By Madonna! Enough Gaga talk. It’s business time. Well, not really business, since I don’t have one. It’s just a metaphor for “I’m so tired of baby talks all day that I’m ready for some grown up like conversations.” My kids are my everything. Literally. I have no life outside of them. So here I am! A place where I can write about how I feel and have some kind of an adult conversation about my kids. With my computer. Pathetic. I know. If only this keyboard (KB) can talk! It would go like this.

Me: Fuck my life.

KB: Fuck your life? Imagine how I feel.

Me: What the fuck do you mean?

KB: You keep pounding on me like you’re Mike Tyson and I’m Robin Givens.

Me: Um, you’re a keyboard. I’m supposed to pound the shit out of you.

KB: Maybe if you went to typing school, you’d know that a backspace isn’t meant to be pounded. It’s not that kind of back space.

Me: At least you don’t have to clean up poop all day. And play the same game or sing the same song like I’m some kind of parrot.

KB: You talk about the same shit everyday. SAME SHIT.

Me: Fuck you. I’m getting off this computer.

KB: Fuck you too. I’ll see you in five minutes.

Five minutes later…

Me: I need a vacay.

KB: You ain’t lyin’.

Me: At least you get a reboot, an update and a weekly maintenance. I take care of you.

KB: What the fuck you talkin’ about? You are always shutting me down while I’m still running. That’s just not right.

ME: Well, that’s because you’re too slow.

KB: Bitch! I’m not taking this shit from you. Get out and find some real friends. I’m just sayin’.

ME: You mean, “I’m just typin’.” I kinda like our time together.

KB: I don’t. While you’re at it, you should probably see a shrink. I wasn’t made for this kind of shit.

Me: You ungrateful bastard. I should have bought a Mac.

KB: Mother Fu…

Signing off,

Cate

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6 responses »

  1. Thanks! I’m waiting for the day parenting actually pays off. I’m doing all I can to raise the next Justin Bieber or Miley Cyrus. One of them better be my meal ticket, or my 401K. I’d prefer to have both 🙂

  2. Hahaah. I love this.
    ps- my two year old sings lady ga ga. but she does it like this: “Ma Ma mamama. Ma Ma mamama. Ma ma mamama. ma ma ma romance.”
    I walked around singing “Like A Virgin” when I was three, so I guess this it is my destiny to have a daughter who likes Ga Ga without ANY input from me.

  3. @ mommysaidaswearword – LOL. She sounds so cute 🙂 I fear karma is in the works for me. I don’t even wanna go through the teen age years knowing how much crap I put my mom through! Pray for me!!!

  4. funny – I was thinking that too about Lady Gaga & Madonna – been there done that! I’m thinking – does this mean I’m getting ooolllddeerr! (ugh) Yes- the kid thing does get redundant. Hey – I was a REALTOR too – the one you all complained about who tried to get in when the getting was good and didn’t really sell more than 10 houses a year. who knew? good post!

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