Gotcha. Of course this has nothing to do with Lady Gaga. And if I were to write about Gaga, you have my permission to shoot me. Sorry Gaga fans. I’m just not one. I guess I’m biased having grown up in the 90’s! And since I’m older (for you young Gaga fans) let’s assume I know what I’m talking about. Madonna has already been done. By Madonna! Enough Gaga talk. It’s business time. Well, not really business, since I don’t have one. It’s just a metaphor for “I’m so tired of baby talks all day that I’m ready for some grown up like conversations.” My kids are my everything. Literally. I have no life outside of them. So here I am! A place where I can write about how I feel and have some kind of an adult conversation about my kids. With my computer. Pathetic. I know. If only this keyboard (KB) can talk! It would go like this.
Me: Fuck my life.
KB: Fuck your life? Imagine how I feel.
Me: What the fuck do you mean?
KB: You keep pounding on me like you’re Mike Tyson and I’m Robin Givens.
Me: Um, you’re a keyboard. I’m supposed to pound the shit out of you.
KB: Maybe if you went to typing school, you’d know that a backspace isn’t meant to be pounded. It’s not that kind of back space.
Me: At least you don’t have to clean up poop all day. And play the same game or sing the same song like I’m some kind of parrot.
KB: You talk about the same shit everyday. SAME SHIT.
Me: Fuck you. I’m getting off this computer.
KB: Fuck you too. I’ll see you in five minutes.
Five minutes later…
Me: I need a vacay.
KB: You ain’t lyin’.
Me: At least you get a reboot, an update and a weekly maintenance. I take care of you.
KB: What the fuck you talkin’ about? You are always shutting me down while I’m still running. That’s just not right.
ME: Well, that’s because you’re too slow.
KB: Bitch! I’m not taking this shit from you. Get out and find some real friends. I’m just sayin’.
ME: You mean, “I’m just typin’.” I kinda like our time together.
KB: I don’t. While you’re at it, you should probably see a shrink. I wasn’t made for this kind of shit.
Me: You ungrateful bastard. I should have bought a Mac.
KB: Mother Fu…